Would you like to learn how to give good head? Of course you would.
Being able to give you partner amazing head gives you a level of sexual confidence that just can’t be denied. Besides, knowing that you’ve got the oral skills to pleasure your partner whenever the desire arises is bound to enhance your sex life and even your relationship, presuming you are in one.
There’s an art to giving head, and in this article we aim to reveal the tips and tricks that can help you master this art.
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Giving head 101
There is so much more to giving amazing head than simply having the ability to deep throat.
In fact, believing that that swallowing your partner’s penis to the hilt while ignoring your gag reflex is how oral sex has to be done could be getting in the way of you giving great head and enjoying going down on your partner.
In this section of the article we’ll walk you through how to give good head step by step, and hopefully we’ll also manage to bust a few myths and diffuse a few misconceptions along the way.
Are you ready? Let’s get to it.
Get in a comfortable position
Giving head is one of those sex acts where being in a comfortable position is super important. If you are trying to perform oral sex from an impossible angle, not only can it be an awkward experience but you may also find yourself gagging and shifting around with discomfort.
So, before you go to town, take a few moments to get comfortable. If your partner is seated, the best position for you to assume is usually kneeling between his legs where you will have easy and direct access to his penis. There’s something really intimate about kneeling between his legs, because you’ll be able to tease him by licking his inner thighs while working your way up to his penis, not to mention that you’ll be able to hold eye contact the entire time.
Another position that works wonderfully is the 69 position. 69 is the perfect sex position for both receiving and giving oral sex.
Undress (if you want to)
Giving oral sex can feel much more sexy and naughty when you are also naked. Sometimes, being fully dressed while your partner is naked or at least exposed, can make everything feel more awkward and decidedly less intimate.
Of course, you should only undress if you want to, but there is simply something about being naked that frees you up and helps you let go of any inhibition. Besides, if you are hoping to also get touched, being naked can only help. Besides, when your partner sees you naked, it’ll be much easier to get him hard and to keep him hard while you’re going down on him.
Use both your tongue and mouth
When giving head it is easy to forget the fortunate fact that you have both a mouth and a tongue to use. If you’re able to work him with both your mouth and your tongue, you’re on track to giving him a blow job he won’t soon forget.
Your mouth and throat are what you can use to create the suction and contractions that are bound to drive him wild – but your tongue is what you can use to unexpectedly wrap around him or leisurely lick him like a lollipop.
When it comes to working your partner’s penis with your mouth and tongue, there is so much you can do, from gently kissing and licking the very tip of his penis to deep throating his entire shaft.
Use your hands
You might find that your jaws get tired after a while. This is especially likely to happen if your partner’s penis is on the larger side. To give yourself some relief – and to give him some variety – introduce your hands into the equation.
If you already know how to give a good hand job, you already know what to do and how to move your hands to gently coax him towards climax. Combining a blow job with a handjob is not only less taxing on your throat and jaw muscles, it also gives him a better experience, particularly if you are new to giving head and don’t feel confident that you’re very good at it yet.
Keep your teeth out of the way
Keeping your teeth out of the way is extremely important when giving head.
Needless to say, the penis is a super sensitive body part and getting skin caught in a partner’s teeth while receiving oral sex is both painful and off-putting.
Always make sure that you are mindful of your teeth when going down on someone. If you’re able to do it very lightly, you can use your teeth to apply pressure to your partner’s dick, as long as you never actually clamp or bite down. A bit of pressure from teeth can feel good, but never, ever, overdo it.
Remember to breathe
It shouldn’t have to be said, but we’ll say it anyway, because a lot of people forget and end up gasping for air: It is important to remember to breathe while you’re going down on your partner.
If he’s really getting into it and is writhing, groaning and throbbing in your mouth on the edge of climax, allowing yourself to come up for air even just for a few seconds can seem almost sacrilegious. You may be afraid to break the rhythm, but remember that a good blow job isn’t a race to the finish line; blow jobs are always better when they build slowly towards the crescendo.
It can also seem challenging to get enough air when your mouth is full of him. Just focus on breathing through your nose and you’ll be absolutely fine.
Keep going when you hit your stride
Unless he’s already reached climax or is indicating to you that he would like you to stop, it’s best to keep going. Of course, if your jaws are cramping or your throat is feeling too sore, you should stop anyway. But baring that, you want to keep going until you’ve spilled him over the edge.
As long as he is moaning, writhing and hard in your mouth, you can be sure that he is enjoying what you’re doing.
If you have found a good rhythm, keep it going and respond to the tempo he sets with his thrusts and moans. The closer to climax he is getting, the fast he’ll be thrusting his penis into your mouth. Respond by speeding up your own movements. Give him eye contact and moan along with him to help him get there.
When he’s about to come
When he’s getting close to climax, now is the time to decide whether you are going to swallow, spit, or not let him come in your mouth at all. Whichever option you choose, let your personal sexual preferences guide you.
If you genuinely find swallowing sexy and arousing, go for it. But if swallowing is really not your thing, either let it dribble down your chin or switch to using your hands just as he is about to come.
If you want or need to stop
If at any point you want to stop giving head either because you are getting a dry mouth, a sore throat or are simply feeling sore or uncomfortable, then by all means stop right away. A good blow job doesn’t necessarily have to culminate in a climax. It can just as easily be considered foreplay that leads to other sexual activity.
If you’re done giving head but don’t want the sexual experience to end, it is easy to move fluidly from giving head to other sex acts. One thing you can do when you want to switch gears is to start kissing your way up his body. Another is to simply turn around and present your derriere to signalise to him that you’re ready for intercourse.
How to turn an average blow job into the perfect blow job
The art of giving the perfect blow job can’t be perfected the first time you try it. Instead, giving blow jobs is one of those things where you can keep tweaking and honing your skills and technique as you go along.
To speed up the inevitable learning curve, here are a few tips that’ll help you take your blow jobs from decent to good to sublime.
All sex is about indulgence, and oral sex is no different. If you are in a rush or if your mind is really elsewhere while you are giving head, your focus is going to waver and your partner will surely feel that you aren’t fully present. Arousal has much do to with feeling seen and desired, so while you are giving your partner head, make sure that you keep your entire focus on him.
And by all means take your time. Be languid and slow, and allow plenty of time for both of you to fully enjoy, indulge and bask in the experience.
Worry about the sheets afterwards, and don’t worry about maintaining any dignity at all when you’re having sex. Sex is about fun and pleasure, and the sloppier you can allow yourself to be, the more pleasure your partner is going to experience.
Being sloppy is just another way of showing your partner how delicious you are finding him. It’s also a way of showing your partner – and yourself – that you are letting go of all restraints and are fully present in the moment.
Play with yourself
Blow jobs should be mutually pleasurable, and one way of making sure they are is to touch yourself while you’re going down on him. Chances are, seeing and hearing your partner arouse is going to arouse you, anyway, so why not take as much pleasure from his pleasure as you possibly can?
For hands-free self-stimulation, use a vibrating butt plug, vibe or dildo. And ind if your position allows, you can also let him play with you instead. The infamous 69 position is perfect for exchanging mutual oral sex.
Are you ready to spice things up?
Blow jobs are inherently naughty and fun almost no matter how you do them, but if you are looking for ways to make a blow job feel even more spicy than it already is, here are some suggestions for you:
Do you know how to use your words to tease and tantalise? If so, a blow job is the perfect occasion for flaunting your tongue in more ways than one.
Dirty talking is one of the most arousing things a sexual partner can do during any kind of sexual activity. Chances are, you probably love a dirty talking partner, too, and hopefully you are lucky enough to have one.
Talking dirty doesn’t have to be intimidating. If you are not used to speaking without a filter, it can seem a little strange and may make you feel self-conscious at first. But just get into it. Being a great dirty talker is largely a matter of being able to get out of your shell and just say every naughty and lusty thing that springs to your mind while you’re having sex.
If in doubt, you can always start by simply talking about how much you desire him and how much you enjoy seeing and feeling his body react to the blow job you are giving him.
Try ball play
When you are going down on your male partner, you’ll easily be able to reach around and cup and massage his balls to give him even more stimulation. Caressing and playing with your partner’s balls can add a delicious element of surprise and extra pleasure that he wasn’t expecting.
Transition to rimming
While we’re on the subject of introducing additional stimulation, it has to be said that giving head is the perfect gateway sex act to rimming.
Rimming, for those who may be unfamiliar with the term, is licking and sucking your partner’s anal opening. Rimming can be a precursor to anal intercourse or pegging, but it can also be a pleasurable and enjoyable sex act in and of itself.
The reason why giving head is the perfect lead-up to rimming your partner is that you are already in the vicinity of his anus when you are sucking his dick. If he is in a seated position, getting to his butthole can be challenge, but if he’s laying down or standing in front of you you’ll have easy access to this other tender part of his body.
Keep in mind that not all (heterosexual) men are comfortable getting their anuses licked or probed, so make sure he is comfortable before getting too invested in the rim job.
If your partner is into rimming, you can take things further by inserting a finger or even a sex toy or your own penis (if you have one) in his anal opening.
Depending on his level of comfort, proceed slowly and with caution, making sure you have his full-throated approval every step of the way. Chances are, if your blow job has already aroused and put him in the mood for more, he’ll be up for penetrative sex or pegging at this point.
Use sex toys
Incorporating sex toys can be a fun and naughty addition to most sex acts, including blow jobs.
There are many different sex toys you can use to enhance a blow job, including cock rings, vibrating butt plugs and dildos. Introducing a sex toy into the blow job once your partner is already hard and aroused can give him some additional sensations and may make him climax sooner than if you have to do all the work manually.
Use an ice cube or ice cream
Yet another way of giving him new and pleasurable sensations is to hold either an ice cube or some ice cream in your mouth while giving him head.
The coldness of the ice mingling with the warmth of your mouth is bound to startle and envelop him in tantalising sensation. You can also use the ice cube to tease him by letting it glide up and down the shaft of his penis while you focus your attention on gently licking his penis head with the tip of your tongue.
How to avoid the pitfalls of oral sex
While oral sex is mostly just pleasurable fun, there are a few potential pitfalls to be aware of and steer clear of. In this section of the article we cover common blow job pitfalls and show you how to steer clear of them.
Ask your partner to shower and clean up before going down on him
No one wants to lick and suck a dirty or merely sweaty penis, so make sure that your partner is clean and fresh before you go down on him.
In most cases, this is probably something you won’t even have to mention, but in case you don’t know your sexual partner very well and don’t trust that his personal hygiene is on par with your expectations, it is a good idea to ask him to take a shower before sex.
After all, dealing with a clean and shower-fresh penis is an entirely different experience than finding yourself face-to-face with an unwashed organ.
Try different positions
If you have started giving head in a certain position, don’t feel obliged to also finish it in that position. If your knees start to hurt or if your jaw starts getting tired, it is completely okay to switch positions several times during the blow job. Never feel bad about shifting around to make yourself comfortable.
Another piece to changing positions is that you may find new positions and angles that you like more than others. When it comes to sex, you should never stop exploring.
Remember that penises come in different shapes and sizes
If you are going down on your partner for the first time, it can be important to keep in mind that all penises are different. Like vaginas and other body parts, they come in a great variety of shapes and sizes. Every penis also has its own unique smell and taste. In other words, there is no standard and no set expectations you should hold in your mind while going down on your partner.
Having said that, the blow job tips we have given you in this article are universal and bound to work on all penises, regardless of size, shape, age and color.
Remember that oral sex still carries risk of STIs
Like any sex act, giving head comes with a risk of contracting or transmitting STI’s (sexually transmitted infections).
If you are in an exclusive relationship with your sexual partner, STIs is one thing less to worry about. But if your relationship is casual or non-exclusive, we recommend using a condom to lower the risk of catching or giving your partner a disease along with the blow job. We specifically recommend using a fruit flavoured condom, which can make going down on a partner more pleasant overall.
Final thoughts on giving amazing blow jobs
Giving great head is more about passion and exploration than it is about following a recipe and going through the motions of a mechanical act. If you slow down and allow both you and your partner to really indulge in the experience, you can hardly go wrong. All too often, overthinking it is what gets in the way of great sex – oral and otherwise.
We hope that this article has shown you that there is more to giving a good blowjob than simply how deep you’re able to take him in. We also hope that we’ve succeeded in putting a few tips and ideas across that will help you enjoy oral sex more, because giving head should be a pleasure for both of you.
In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to let all of the step-by-step guides you’ve read fly out the window, and that’s completely all right. If you just remember these two things, most of the rest is going to develop naturally from practice: Don’t use your teeth, and take your time to indulge and luxuriate in the experience.
How do you avoid gagging when giving head?
If you have a small mouth or a sensitive gag reflex, you may find it difficult to give head without gagging or feeling like your jaws are becoming unhinged. It is important that you take it slow and listen to what your body is telling you so that you don’t end up injuring yourself just to prove that you can deep throat.u003cbru003eu003cbru003eHaving said that, here are a few tips that can help you give a good blow job without triggering your gag reflex.u003cbru003eu003cbru003eA good and easy way to avoid gagging is to place your tongue against the roof of your mouth to seal off your throat. When you do this, his penis is going to stay in your mouth and not enter your throat which is what can trigger your gag reflex and make you feel like you are choking.u003cbru003eu003cbru003eIf you are ready for more, start by letting his penis enter your throat in short bursts. Let him thrust into your mouth (as described above) and throat interchangeably. You can also take short breaks by keeping the motion going with your hands while you take a few moments to catch your breath and calm your throat.
What do you do if there’s foreskin?
Not all penises have foreskin, but if your partner’s does, it can make it slightly more difficult for you to get to the penis head, which is where the majority of his nerve endings are to be found.u003cbru003eu003cbru003eTo access his penis head, there are two different tricks you can do, and it doesn’t have to be one or the other – you can use them in combination with each other. One option is to gently wrap one hand around his shaft near the penis head, and pull down gently on the skin. Do it gently. The other option is to use your tongue. The tongue is an incredibly dexterous instrument and is the ideal tool to use to push back his foreskin.
How do you know if you’re doing it right?
Trust us, if you’re going down on a man and you’re doing it right, you’ll know. If a man is getting good oral sex, he will be giving off a slew of subtle and not-so-subtle clues.u003cbru003eu003cbru003eHe may close his eyes, he may moan and grown, he may writhe. He may put his fingers in your hair and hold the back of your head to draw your mouth even closer while you’re working on his penis.
Is deep throating a must when giving head?
No, it’s just a preference some men have. You can still give mind-blowing oral sex without letting him thrust into your throat.u003cbru003eu003cbru003eIf you’re not comfortable deep throating – and you absolutely don’t have to be – then navigate him towards the roof of your mouth instead while sealing your throat off with your tongue. In most cases, he won’t even be able to tell the difference and he’ll still reach orgasm with the same intensity.