How to Have Kinky Sex: Your Ultimate Guide

Would you like to learn more about how to have kinky sex? Whether your sex life has been a little lacklustre lately or you are simply curios and want to try something new, try any of these kinky sex ideas to help you spice things up in the bedroom.

There will be a time in any couple’s relationship when sex feels dull and tedious, to say the least. This is actually pretty common, and it doesn’t mean you are losing feelings for that person. Even the most passionate relationships can lose their steam after years of being together, especially if sex stayed the same. Chances are, there are a couple of activities that you have thought about bringing into the bedroom, but haven’t divulged to your partner for fear of sounding weird or being judged. Well, if you truly value what you have, it might be time to share those wild sexual desires and fulfill each other’s fantasies. It may be time to spice up your sex life and get a little kinky. But how do you do that exactly? Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to have kinky sex.

If the thought of being in handcuffs and getting whipped excites you, then you and Anastasia Steele, have a few things in common, along with lots of people out there (some are yet to find out that they love getting kinky too). As a matter of fact, a survey in 2020 shows more than 65% of the 1,500 American respondents are down to experimenting with some kinks in their sex life. With that said, there’s a good chance you and your partner fall into that statistic.

What makes sex kinky?

First thing is, kinky sex is not just about whipping or spanking while in handcuffs. Indeed, the phrase “kinky sex” conjures an unsavory image for some (many, actually) people. Fifty Shades of Grey (for better or for worse) had a lot to do with it – many people despise it, but for some (although secretly), it awakened their sexual interests (or at least, they are opening themselves to the idea). But what is kinky sex exactly? How do you do it?

Kinky sex is actually a broad term that covers multiple sex things, from fetish, role-playing, dressing up, power play, and of course bondage, domination, and sadomasochism (BDSM).

What makes kinky sex different from adventurous sex?

Adventurous sex refers to sex outside of your normal boundaries. This could mean introducing sex toys into the bedroom (cock rings, etc.), outrageous sex positions, or getting a threesome (or even orgy and swinging). The term kink or kinky sex is more about power play and fantasy.

With that said, it can be confusing to pinpoint what exactly constitutes kinky. Thus, if you are looking to incorporate some kink into your sex life, it is important to do your research and get informed before actually trying anything with your partner.

However, the idea of kinky sex is not solely about power. It is an incredible way to improve your relationship and sex life; by going through consensual acts that involve role-playing, pain, and control.

How to bring kink into the bedroom

 How to bring kinky sex ideas to the bedroom?

Talk about it

For couples who haven’t tried or experimented with any kinky sex acts in the bedroom, the idea of bringing some kink may sound daunting, if not scary. This is why as said earlier, it is important that both parties must be informed. The last thing you want is to pull off a new move and catch your partner totally off guard and weirded out. You want your partner to feel comfortable, yet excited about the experience. This is why you need to talk about it first and get each other’s consent before trying anything new.

Talk about your fantasies

Talk about your likes and dislikes, your bedroom fantasies, and your sexual desires. Talk about what turns you on, and more importantly, listen to your partner. You can start the conversation over a glass of wine before proceeding to kinky sex ideas you may have seen or read about.

Establish a safe word, set boundaries

Talk about your plans and what you want to do. Have a safe word ready, discuss boundaries and the things you consider off-limits, and don’t push it beyond the set boundaries. Better yet, you can use non-verbal halt signals, like pinching your partner or tapping at an agreed rhythm.

Also, it is important that you make it clear to your partner that it will not be kinky sex every time. Obviously, not everyone can cope with this kind of bedroom activity regularly. And doing this regularly makes the whole kinky sex idea counterintuitive.

Don’t force anything

Lastly, never force anything.  If your partner doesn’t seem on board with your fantasies, pushing them to her will not change her mind. If your partner is not into anal sex, then don’t force her into doing it. You may force her to do it, but that is a blatant disregard for her boundaries, and utterly disrespectful. 

Talk about past experiences (and traumas)

It is also extremely helpful if you discuss any past traumatic experiences that you had and what triggers you to remember them. Indeed, consent is important, and it applies to any kind of sex. If possible, have a consent checklist. This may sound un-sexy, but it can make a huge difference in your relationship as it teaches both parties about boundaries and respect. 

Get on the same page

Thus, before trying anything new, you and your partner should be on the same page. Don’t worry if your first time doesn’t feel great as you expected. That is completely normal. The more you do it, and the more you talk about it, the better the experience will be for both of you.

Make pain pleasurable

Kinky sex is a form of power dynamics, and nothing screams power dynamic more than inflicting pain. Pain in this context, however, equals pleasure. This means some light smack, spanking, slapping, or even whipping, especially in erogenous areas and genital areas. This is why as said earlier, it is important to educate yourself on the topic, so you don’t seriously harm each other or cause any long-term physical damage.

Kinky sex pain is consensual pain. This means both parties involved agreed on the idea. Obviously, this is where the importance of setting boundaries and having a safe word gets into the picture. Light smacking, spanking, or getting the hair pulled, may already be part of your usual sexual activity. But that’s not an automatic green light. You still have to discuss boundaries, especially if it involves pain.

Don’t forget about aftercare

One of the most common kinky tools kinky people use for the kinky play includes bondage equipment or restraints. This is one of the best ways to execute power play and be dominant over your partner (who takes the submissive role). This may sound exciting and arousing when you are in the middle of the moment, however, some women experience what is called “postcoital dysphoria”, which is characterized by the feeling of irritability, anxiety, and even motiveless crying – an under-recognized and under-research phenomenon. The best way to counter or avoid this is to show your partner you care – through aftercare.

The best form of aftercare after kinky sex is through emotional intimacy and communication, especially if your kinky activities involve bondage, nipple clamps, a lot of spanking, candle wax, etc.

So don’t just turn your back on your partner after wild and kinky sex. Check-in with your partner, embrace, spoon, and make sure they are okay with what just happened.

Getting ready for kinky

Watch porn or kinky movie (together)

Watching erotica (or porn) is probably the easiest way to introduce yourself to the world of kinky sex. Probably the most popular kinky movie in the past few years is the 50 Shades of Grey series. Unfortunately, it is not the best example out there, since it does NOT truly capture the essence of BDSM. The best example of a BDSM movie is The Secretary (2002) starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Another good example is the movie A Dangerous Method (2011) starring Keira Knightley and Michael Fassbender.

Other good examples are Sleeping Beauty (2011), Exit to Eden (1994), and Crash (1996). Of course, these movies can be too much for the uninitiated. But remember, there is a reason why the Fifty Shades of Grey series was a bestseller – women read it. Thus, when watching, simply saying “I’d like to try that” when you find interesting scenes in the movie can give your partner a hint. Or better yet, you can pause the movie and discuss what you just saw and ask your partner about trying it.

Get rid of distractions

Nothing can kill that mood hard than a ringing phone, phone notification, or kids knocking on your bedroom door. Thus, it would be best to clear your sexy time schedule of any distractions. Getting away to a hotel for a night to remember can be your best start for new experiences.

 How to add some kink in your sex play

Now how do you add kink to your regular sex? Well, there are nearly endless of ways, you can incorporate sex toy, role play, BDSM, etc. Here are introductory kinky sex ideas to spice up your sex life.

Do it in front of the mirror

This may sound ridiculously simple, but small steps like this are where you can start your journey to the kinky world.

Doing the sexy time in front of the mirror is a good way to tell your partner you love their body, and would love to get a better view of the action. Thus, lead the way to the mirror and lean in front of it. There are ideal sex positions (like standing doggy style, upstanding citizen, etc.),

Also, you can place a mirror by the bedside so you two can watch the action and do all the kinky ideas, especially the kinky sex positions you learned from “research”.

 Talk dirty

Another surefire way to get your partner in the mood to try new sex positions, or even open up to the idea of kinky sex, is to talk dirty to your partner.

Remember, the devil is in the details, so don’t just describe the act, take it to step by step; tell your partner what you want to do to your partner’s body before you even do it. Whisper in your partner’s ears about how you would feel, and include details like the sensation you are feeling. This will increase the excitement in your kink play. 

Sext as often as possible

Sexting is a great form of foreplay, and like talking dirty, it can elevate the excitement and get the juices flowing.

When sexting, be brave (as your vocabulary permits). Send a suggestive text like “I cannot wait to be all over you tonight”. You can be as vague or as detailed as you want. If you wish to be detailed, be specific For example, if you are teasing your partner about giving him/her oral sex, then describe the steps you are going to make; like ripping your partner’s pants, taking off your partner’s underwear with your teeth, etc.

Moreover, there is an act to sexting, and if you want to be good at it, you have learned it. There is no shortage of tips and techniques for sexting online. Invest a couple of hours to master this art and you will reap the benefits in the bedroom.

Blindfold and Bondage

Congratulations, you have arrived at the juicy part of the article.

There is a good chance you already know what to do with blindfolds and bondage, chances are, you have seen a few scenes about it such as in Fifty Shades of Grey (don’t worry, this is a judgment-free zone).

Maybe you are apprehensive about this idea, since buying handcuffs is just too freaky for you (especially if you have seen the movie Gerald’s Game). Well, if that’s the case, you can try something subtle, such as light bondage using a scarf or a tie. The idea is to have something that can be taken off easily in case things go south (unexpected anxiety, etc.).

Playfully wrap your partner’s wrists and secure them to the bedpost. From there you can do whatever you want; you can go down on your partner, use ice cubes for temperature play, etc.

Obviously, you can switch roles; you can be in the submissive role and ask your partner to tie you down and have his/her way with you.

And to up the ante, how about blindfolding your partner (or yourself) while at it? Taking away your partner’s sense of sight while you go down is one surefire way to elicit an electrifying orgasm. Again, make sure you have your safe word ready and listen intently to your partner’s reaction (and moaning, there will be a lot of moaning) should things go overboard. 

Incorporate some biting and nibbling

Biting and nibbling your partner during your passionate encounters is an easy way to add some kink; it’s naughty, and hot, and shows your partner how turned on you are. You cannot just dive straight into it though, you need to test the waters first and watch the reaction. Little teeth and nibbling with your lip in your partner’s ears is one way to do it. From there you can drag it down to the neck, shoulders, and down to nether regions and erogenous zones.

Incorporate some spanking

Spanking, if done right, can be hot. With that said, spanking doesn’t mean beating your partner’s ass with a hard whooping. That can kill the mood.

Spanking should be passionate; you can say a little animalistic. A light smack on the butt cheek with an open palm can increase the level of arousal, especially during certain sex positions. Again, test the waters. Each person’s pain threshold is different, so take note of cues before going harder.

Incorporate kink in sex positions

Here are some kinky sex positions to try

Pull her hair during doggy style

For penis owners out there, get a little animalistic by pulling her hair during doggy style. Deep penetration from behind along with hair pulling can give a really good mix of pain and pleasure.

Get your partner on all fours, penetrating her from behind while kneeling, and grab a fistful of hair while you thrust your way in. You can tell if your partner lies by going a little harder than your previous move.

From there you can increase the intensity by incorporating sex toys into the mix, like a vibrator for the clit, while you penetrate from behind and pull her hair.

Cowgirl with some spanking

Another easy way to turn your ordinary sex positions into kinky sex positions is through girl-on-top plus spanking.

This is pretty self-explanatory, but just to make sure we are on the same page, make sure to spank with palms open and target the meatier part of the butt. Avoid hitting the boney part and the back, they aren’t only un-sexy, but they can be extremely painful. Again, kinky sex turns pain to pleasure. You can also invest in a paddle designed specifically for kinky sex. 

Restrained missionary

Spice things up and turn the ordinary missionary into an exciting kinky sex position by restraining your partner.

Light bondage during missionary can take pleasure to a whole new level; you can play around you’re your partner’s body, and tease your partner with light touches and mind-boggling, toe-curling oral sex. From there you can incorporate some kinky toys such as nipple clamps, ballgag, etc., before going all the way (penetrating her). 

Get a sex pillow

Sometimes, a little tweak in the angle can make all the difference. This is where the benefits of sex pillows get into the picture – they can make old sex positions feel brand new for you and your partner. 

The Takeaway

Again, communication and consent are the keys to good, healthy, and passionate kinky sex. Discuss everything with your partner, be open to suggestions, and have an honest dialogue. Listen to each other’s desires and fantasies, and take note of each other’s boundaries. Once you have those things laid out, you can start experimenting with different types of kinks, props, sex positions, etc.

And while at it, don’t be afraid to get loud. Vocalize your feelings; your moan is music to your partner’s ears.