Knowing how to pleasure a woman in bed is vital if you are a man in a heterosexual relationship. Sex is good, but the great sex, mind-blowing, toe-curling, eyes-rolled-back orgasm type of sex you can have when you know how to pleasure a woman is even better, perhaps the best thing in the world.
Unfortunately, the majority of men have no idea what they are doing in bed. Their idea of sexual pleasure is getting their penis sucked, penetrating, humping their ladies hard a few times, and boom! They are done for the night. If you want a satisfying sex life, one that fulfills your sexual desires, you have to do more than that. No, you don’t have to look like Jason Momoa or Chris Hemsworth to satisfy your woman. All you have to do is understand the female body and female orgasm; you have to know how to please a woman in bed, if not fulfill her sexual fantasies.
Every woman is different, and every woman enjoys sex differently. While there are no hard and fast rules on how to satisfy a woman, there seems to be a consensus on what women enjoy, their preferences, and more importantly, things that please them and make them crave more.
If your woman means the world to you and you want a strong and lasting relationship, then you have to give her the best sexual experience possible every time, if not satisfy her sexual fantasies.
How do you do that? Well, luckily for you, we have compiled everything you need to know on how to please a woman. Here’s a comprehensive guide for you.
Why do you need to know how to satisfy your woman?
Because you are not a selfish human being. Because you care about her and you want her to be happy. Because you want her to enjoy and look forward to having sex with you, as much as you enjoy and look forward to having sex with her.
There is great joy and satisfaction in being able to satisfy your partner in bed. And many times, this translates to your relationship, since great sex often results in great chemistry, which leads to better connection and intimacy.
What does satisfying a woman in bed mean?
Satisfying a woman means meeting her needs and making an effort to fulfill her desires, and doing so with consent and respect.
First and foremost, understand that pleasure cannot be standardized. Hence, there is no one-size-fits-all way to do this. Yes, there are numerous ways to please your woman. However, before you jump into bed with a newly learned technique, or introduce a sex toy in the bedroom, you have to put your ego aside and take this as your adventure or quest to a more satisfying sex life.
From there, you can both talk about your sexual preferences – but more than talking about yours, listen to hers.
Get her excited about sex
Here are six tips before the actual sex.
Talk about your sexual desires
Communication is crucial for great sex, no matter what type of sex you are having. Being honest and open about what turns you on is important, just as much as setting up a safe and inviting environment for your partner to open up and share her desire.
Also, note that sexual preferences change. What you think (or are told) your partner enjoys a few years back, may not work the same now. This is because satisfying, in a lot of ways, is a lifelong learning process. Sounds a lot? Well, that may sound intimidating, but it is as simple as opening the communication lines and talking about it.
Sext with her
As said earlier, foreplay starts outside the bedroom. And thanks to today’s technology, you can do foreplay throughout the day with your fingertips, through your mobile phones. Yes, we are talking about sexting.
Sexting can be as simple as “Good morning gorgeous” to as naughty as “Can’t wait to see you naked tonight”.
Sexting, like foreplay, is an art form by itself. While there are no hard and fast rules, there are guidelines to make it work. The key is to get your partner excited before you two even step into the bedroom.
You can send nudes (if that’s your thing), but make sure to keep it classy. Also, don’t include your face in the photo, and more importantly, never, ever, send dick picks. The last thing you want is for those pictures to come back and bite you in the ass.
This may sound parental, but nothing turns a woman off more than a cluttered and dirty space. Clutter can cause stress, and stress is a huge obstacle to arousal. Whether it’s your house, apartment, bedroom, car, etc., make sure to keep your place clean and feel comfortable for her.
So, before you think of any moves, clean up. Put the dirty clothes away, wash your dishes, throw the trash, spray some air freshener, etc. You will be surprised how these small things can change the whole mood for both of you.
Get rid of all distractions
While you are tidying up your place, eliminate all distractions as well. Turn off the TV, silence the notification alerts from your phone, and put away work-related stuff.
Put some romantic music on
Music can affect your mood, so if you want a sexy mood, one of the easiest things you can do is play some sexy music. Our music preferences are different, and they are mostly subjective. If you are not sure what type of music to play, you can never go wrong with sexy jazz or sexy instrumentals.
Still not sure what to do? Well, just type in Valentine’s Day playlist on Spotify and start from there.
Different genres can also help you transition from your touch and play and affect the whole sexual session with your partner.
Keep eye contact
Obviously, this is not a gaping-goldfish-in-a-fishbowl stare. This is about sultry glances while you slightly open your mouth and tease her with light touches.
Again, every person is different. Some people love this, while some may feel uncomfortable with this. Again, ask your partner how she feels about eye contact. If she says “no”, well, that can be a good conversation starter to get to know her more. Probably you can change her mind with your glances, or probably not. Whatever it is, it can be a win-win for both of you.
Audio and visual aids can help
There will be times when you or your partner may find it hard to stay in the moment, be it caused by stress from work, etc. In this case, you can engage your senses to get you into the mood. One of the most common ways people use to get into the mood for sex is watching an arousing movie or even porn together.
Now obviously, not everyone, women in particular, are comfortable with the thought of watching two strangers have sex in TV. In this case, you can use audio porn. There are lots of sensual stores you can play to get both of your juices flowing. Simply turn off the lights, hook up your phone with your Bluetooth speaker, crank the volume and see where the dirty story takes you.
Tips to please a woman in bed…
Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty part.
Learn the art of foreplay
Sexual pleasure goes way beyond penetrative sex. There is a time and place for quickies. However, good and satisfying sex requires time and finesse. And that is where the importance of foreplay comes in.
Most people, men, in particular, have a very narrow idea of good sex. And most of the time, it leaves a woman’s sexual pleasure out of the picture. Our society doesn’t spend a lot of time talking about the vagina or female orgasm in particular. As a result, many women themselves sometimes, are not sure how some parts of their bodies work, what feels good in bed and how to get the best orgasm. If you take pride in meeting your woman’s sexual desires, then you need to learn the art of foreplay.
Foreplay is basically anything you do to prepare your body for sex. For men, it causes the blood to rush down to their nether regions to create a rock-hard erection. For women, it also causes the blood to rush down south and increases the sensitivity of the pleasure zones and lubrication. For everybody, it gets the brain excited by triggering the release of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin.
You may understand foreplay wrong
The word “foreplay” is quite a misnomer, as it implies what comes next. Most people treat it as the appetizer to get them ready for the main course – which is penetrative sex. If you can move away from this image, you can make more satisfying sex.
Why? Because foreplay can start outside the bedroom.
The key is to treat foreplay as an integral part of the whole thing and to stop thinking that penetrative sex is the end-all-be-all goal.
As a matter of fact, many women cannot fully orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Some women may even need help to psyche themselves up, such as dirty talk, to get them in the mood.
Take your sweet time
While there is no consensus for sexual arousal in women, one thing is for sure, it takes time for women to get aroused. Thus, if there is one thing you need to know and remember about foreplay, it’s that, however long you think it should be, you need to double it, if not triple it.
The first thing you need to do is to create an environment where she can be comfortable, feel relaxed, and confident to be intimate with you.
Also, you can take time to remove your clothing articles. Again, foreplay is not a sprint, it is a marathon, so take your time by slowly removing her clothes. Take a couple more minutes before you take off your pants too. And in between removing clothes, give her the most passionate kiss possible. Grab the back of her neck with one hand while you lick her. Grab and squeeze her bum too.
When you take off her bra, don’t go straight to the nipples. Kiss her breasts all over. Suck on them gently before going to the nipples. And suck her nipples too as you squeeze her breasts.
Pay attention to her preferences and needs
Indeed, orgasm feels amazing. But beyond that, orgasm feels better if there is a deep connection or intention embedded with it.
Moreover, as said earlier, each woman is different. They have their own sets of preferences when it comes to being intimate. So instead of randomly touching your woman wherever you feel sexy, touch her with long firm strokes. Invite her to breathe and be comfortable with you at the moment.
Explore together (know her favorite erogenous zones)
Since sex is a two-way street, you have to treat it as a give-and-take relationship. Take time to experiment and explore each other together. There are well-known pleasure zones more popularly called erogenous zones, and most women have different preferences on where and how they want these pleasure zones to be stimulated.
This is where knowing her favorite erogenous zones can get in handy. And if you took your sweet time exploring and understanding her preferences, you will have an easy time doing this.
Erogenous zones are specific parts or areas of the body with heightened sensitivity. Often, these parts houses multiple (tons of) nerve endings that can be stimulated for maximum sexual pleasure. Some of the most obvious erogenous zones are the outer lips, neck, ears, inner thighs, breasts, nipples, buttocks, the area around the pubic hair, vagina, and clitoris (of course). Other lesser-known erogenous zones are the inner arms, shoulders, scalp, lower stomach, navel, hands, fingers, behind the knee, feet, etc.
Note that erogenous zones differ from one person to another. What may feel good to others may not have the same effect on your woman. Plus, different women have different parts to get stimulated. These parts are highly sensitive, thus direct stimulation simply means light touches, squeezes, kisses, licks, etc. Be gentle, especially around the vagina and clitoris.
Make her feel comfortable with oral sex
Blowjob is great. For most men, the thought of getting their dick sucked, stroked, and licked is the best feeling in the world, aside from sex, of course. Well, if you enjoy blowjobs, then know that your woman would like to have some of that feeling too. And as her man, it is your job to give her that.
Many women feel uncomfortable and apprehensive about receiving oral sex for many different reasons. If your duty to make her feel comfortable getting it from you.
And just like with penetrative sex, foreplay goes a long way in cunnilingus. To make her feel comfortable, start your way with kisses on her erogenous zones (lips, neck, shoulders, etc.), while you go down to her breasts, nipples, navel, inner thighs, and vagina.
Specific positions like missionary are the most common way to give oral sex to a woman. If that feels uncomfortable for your neck, place a pillow underneath her hip to lift her.
To spice things up, you can also ask her to sit on your face or do the 69. The latter will give you a crazy orgasm simultaneously.
Again, there is no one-size-fits-all to this. But when going down on her, make sure to start slow and be gentle. Her clitoris and vagina are home to hundreds of nerve endings; thus, these parts are extremely sensitive.
Start with gentle and broad strokes with your tongue, and from there you can go up and down, side to side, or make circles. You can also suck her clit with your lips gently, or write the ABCs with your tongue on her labia (outer lips of the vagina).
When going down on your woman, you can touch other parts of her body for multiple stimulations too. When in the missionary position, you can reach for her breasts and squeeze them lightly.
Focus on the clitoris when giving oral sex, not the vagina. While many women cannot orgasm with penetrative sex alone, most can get amazing orgasms with cunnilingus alone. And combine that with penetration after, which almost always guarantees great sex for both of you.
Tap the G Spot
You can also use a finger or two to reach for her G spot and tap them lightly as you lick her vagina. Gently slip your fingers inside her. With your fingers inside facing towards you, make stroking movements of a few centimeters in her vaginal wall. This is where the G spot is located.
If you struggle to find the G spot, imagine going inside a room through a door. When you get in the room, you look back and you see a wall clock hanging over that door you just went through. That is the G-spot. It is about 2 to 3 centimeters from the vaginal opening and is part of the clitoral network. Stimulating this area will almost always lead to great sex.
Let her tell you what she wants
Most women love men who lead them into the action, but once you are in the moment, it pays to allow her to lead you where and when she is ready to get some.
Again, communication is the key to happy and satisfying sex life.
Whatever you do, be gentle and start slow. From there, build up the tension by teasing her by stopping and getting back into the action again.
Often, women will not verbalize this, so pay attention to her cues. She may grab your hair while you are giving her oral sex. This often means she likes it, and she wants you to continue what you are doing.
There seems to be a stigma about using lube during sex. Yes, the vagina is capable of natural lubrication. But then again, the female body differs from one another. Some women can be wet down there, while some struggle in getting wet, even when they are aroused. In many cases, a lubricant can make things less painful (by reducing friction) and more pleasurable for both of you.
There are many types of lubricants out there, so make sure you read the label and avoid those with ingredients that both of you are allergic to.
Also, when you decide to use toys, make sure to avoid silicone-based lubes, as they can damage your toys. Generally, you can never go wrong with water-based lubes.
Use some temperature play
Ice cubes can take the fun to a whole new level. Hold an ice cube with your fingers and gently trace it down on her entire body, starting from the nipples down to the navel, and even to her pubic hair area. You can also hold the ice cubes between your teeth and draw circles on her lower stomach.
Experiment with tantric sex
Tantric sex is a slow and intimate experience that you share with your partner. It focuses on your partner and your connection with each other, which creates a deep and meaningful connection between the two of you.
A lot of women prefer the slow and intimate approach to sex, which is why it is worth considering this approach. The word Tantric is of Sanskrit origin.
The idea behind Tantric sex is not to reach orgasm in the shortest possible time. Instead, the goal is to immerse you and your partner in the incredible feeling of sexual pleasure. Women require time to get in the mood. Therefore, using the techniques of Tantric sex help a woman to get in the right mood to receive maximum pleasure.
Before you start with tantric sex, start with a mindfulness practice so you can get your mind, body, and soul aligned. You can do either yoga or meditation. The goal of these exercises is to bring more awareness to your sensation and movement. If it helps, you can even play the right music to get you in the mood for a great session ahead.
Next is to focus on your breathing. Partners can synchronize their breathing as you engage in sexual intimacy, which is an act that brings you together as one. Pay attention to how each part of your body feels while you are doing the synchronized breathing.
As you are doing all of these steps, gaze into each other’s eyes. It helps build an intimate connection and ensures your partner that you are focused on them throughout the act.
Also, be sure to take it slow. Sex and intimacy are not a race. You must reassure her that you will do everything to please her and that you are patient enough for her to reach the highest arousal at the sexual level.
It’s important to engage all five senses during Tantric sex. Notice the way your partner smells and appreciate every curve of her body. Immerse yourself in the taste of every kiss and the sounds of moaning that she gives out every time you touch her. It’s a great way to be present at the moment so it’s not just her who achieves maximum satisfaction but you can both achieve that.
Finally, you can try the ultimate sex position for tantric sex: the lotus position (yab-yum). This position is highly intimate and delivers the deepest connection between you and her. This position involves the penetrating partner (you) sitting cross-legged while she straddles you. She can wrap her legs around your body to bring you even closer together. It allows for a deep physical connection and intimate eye contact. Even when the lotus position is categorized as a sex position, you don’t even need penetrative sex to fulfill her sexual desires.
Get wet together
Sex in the shower is often portrayed as a sex scene in many romantic movies. But in reality, sex in the shower is not nearly as enjoyable as it might look in the movies.
One trick that you can use to build up her sexual arousal level is to get in the tub with her. It is an excellent means of foreplay and is one way you can fulfill her sexual fantasies.
Before you get into the tub, you can enjoy the process of removing articles of her clothing. You can take turns undressing each other. Make sure that you keep the water warm so that you can get hot and steamy once you soak in the tub. While you are in the tub, stroke her inner thighs and touch her in the most sensitive parts of her entire body.
Talking dirty to her can also help to build up sexual tension. This sexual build-up is important if you want to know how to please a woman, whether it is in the bed or elsewhere.
Final Tips on How to Please a Woman
Each woman is different when it comes to their sexual pleasure and tolerance. To help please a woman and achieve maximum pleasure and orgasm, it’s important to pay attention to her cues. Watch what makes her feel good and pay attention to those that might make her feel uncomfortable.
Knowing how to please a woman in bed is not just about sex. It’s about cherishing her body and making her feel sexy as a woman. Women enjoy it when their male partner explores their bodies by kissing and cuddling. Great sex is not just about intercourse; it’s what you do before that makes a difference in bed.